I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
