Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
if only i could text you this smell
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
