its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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