I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver