if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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