uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.