He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
