i just wanna soil my oats bro
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
