Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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