we're chasing vodka with high fives
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
