Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
