Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
