I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
