yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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