You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
