why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
