At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
