Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
