i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
