i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
All I want is dick and wine.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
