So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
