im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
