Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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