i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Sorry about my life...
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
