I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
4 words: hood of his car
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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