Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Randomize
