My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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