haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
