Joe is yelling at the trees again.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
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