Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Four minutes until I can fart!
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
