Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize