you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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