overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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