it wasn't lemon gatorade
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Randomize
