dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
