You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
