ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
