I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
