he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
