Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
