I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
