Having a random hookup so left but love u
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
