About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I have aggressive nipples.
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