I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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