Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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