Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia