After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
