I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
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That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch