i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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