So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....