people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
