True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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