We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
The air taste purple.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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