I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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