my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
