She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
