well most of my day revolves around power hour
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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