so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
