you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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