Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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