you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
