dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
