I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
