There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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