the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
