You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
