Your face is a jimmy john
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
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There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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