he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
