hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
