I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
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Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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