Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
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Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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