so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
