Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
