someone get that fucking seahorse.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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