shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I got inside last night via doggy door
I need to sanitize my soul.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
