am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
