you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize