dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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